First, before anything else, I have to talk about Tuesday. It was a day of blue skies. It was 75°. Flowers were blooming. Bees were buzzing and birds were chirping. I sat, for a time, on the porch with the sun on my face and I was very happy.
Now, in the background of that day and really all week, not so pleasant. I have been experiencing horrible I-guess-30-is-coming-up-soon back pain after a little workout last Thursday. It has been extremely unpleasant. But I did finally consult my sister, the actual physical therapist, and she gave me some info and tips and I’m feeling much improved and world be right as rain in a day or two more. But yikes, no fun.
The rest of this week has not been as rainy as predicted, though we did get quite a bit yesterday. This morning has dawned fairly sunny and the forecast for the weekend is markedly improved. I will express yet again how ready I am for summer and swimming hole season and just generally being outside more–at least, that’s the goal.
I don’t have much planned on the horizon but I do have my list of little hikes and things around Vermont that I want to do. I just need the weather and my motivation to collaborate to actually get around to checking some of those things off. I obviously have not been feeling very motivated this week, just ow, but I do anticipate that will change hopefully very soon. I would like to maybe do something this weekend.
Jackson wants to make other people feel ow but his gums just aren’t as violent as teeth
Still thinking about “good life” but also trying not to be too stressed about needing to enjoy sunny weather while I can.
This past week, I took a quick trip back to Washington and attended the memorial service for my maternal grandmother. I wanted to have some nice things well-thought out to say here about it but I’m not sure that I really do and I kind of feel bad about it.
She loved writing and wrote up all kinds of family history–in the genealogical sense as well as personal sense–and some little essays on diverse topics. A bunch of these were written up and put into these lovely little books for us with pictures and everything, which is such a wonderful remembrance to have.
Anyway, we read an excerpt from one of these essays at the service. In it, entitled Nostalgia, she discusses how various things can trigger memories and be powerfully evocative of feelings or times from our past. The sound of meadowlarks, the smell of wild yellow roses, the taste of fresh-baked and well-buttered bread.
In recounting some of the things that stir nostalgia in her mind, and the connections such sensations make, she concludes by saying “In spite of what Thomas Wolfe says, I have discovered that, through nostalgic interludes, you can go home again–and again–and again!”
And that’s what I’ve been thinking about since the service, in lieu of writing up something nice for the blog. But I think it’s fitting to have some of her own words be her tribute. Besides, with my memory the way it is, her own words probably serve as better, clearer memories than most things I can personally summon up.
I was talking with some friends this week a little about the idea of a “good life.” We didn’t come to any firm conclusions, shocker, but did spend some time thinking about how to a) appreciate where we are, as we are and b) have things to look forward to, changes we want to make, directions we want to strive in.
We were in particular looking at the end of James 3 (in the Bible, that is) and it mentions several admirable attributes. One of which is to be full of good fruit. And I will just say that, whatever else I’m failing to convey in this tiny little tribute, my childhood with my grandmother was full of good fruit. Most especially, blackberries. And for that, I am grateful.
I have neglected to prepare a post in advance and ended up feeling like I have nothing to say at this precise moment. But, because I am so committed to this blog and being an annoying Internet person, I’m posting something even though I have nothing to say.
At the very least, have a few cat pics because I can.
Sweeties, all. It is so hard to get a decent picture of Bubba, as an annoying and also black cat, but look at that! We also obviously love Jenny and Béégashii. And Cooper representing his Chicago ties.
Anyway, longer letter later, I suppose. I hope your week wraps up well and that you enjoy your weekend. May there be cats.
Okay so nothing all that interesting has been going on in my life this week–I continue to not be on vacation and not living in Sydney–so I wrote up this whole post about this weird tech glitch/issue/question I’ve been having with WordPress lately which had been quasi-disappearing some of my posts.
I had tried to figure it out and was resorting to posting about it here in the hopes that WordPress denizens could help me out. Anyway, after writing up my issue (here rather than on some help forum or something so avoid having to come up with a post for this week), I gave things one more check over and, surprise, figured out the issue.
I’m still not certain actually how the issue came about–it was backdating some of my posts by months so they weren’t showing up in my little feed where I went looking for them–but easily enough amended to keep my Thursday streak accurate on here. And this issue came up before I tried to figure out scheduling a post a couple weeks ago while traveling so I didn’t mess things up then. But anyway, now I can double check that after I publish a post and that’s easy enough.
And look, here we are, I’ve ended up writing a (short, boring) post even so. Can’t win ’em all.
Now, cat picture because I can’t have that truly be my whole post.
I returned to Vermont Monday night, completing my circumnavigation of the globe, tired and not exactly thrilled to be back at work in a mere eight hours. I was grateful, at least, for my decision to still be doing a few hours of work while in Australia and more or less keeping on top of things. It really made me feel more free to enjoy myself.
Since I’ve been lax posting cat pics while traveling
I had such a terrific time in Australia and I’m so glad that’s I got to go back and spend more time there than my first visit, just a couple days six years ago. I’ve still only seen Sydney and I know there’s so much more wonderful Australia to explore but I was grateful to have a little home base and take some time to see a little more of the nooks and crannies of the city (though even there, I still have so much to see).
I hung out with friends and met a lot of lovely new people. I ate a lot of gelato. I tried some cardamom cinnamon hot chocolate and you know that was my scene. I went to some wonderful restaurants and the Ramadan night market and had lots of incredible food, much of which was totally new to me. I saw a lot of beaches. I took pictures of a lot of palms. I took a number of trains and buses and a couple ferries, all of which I had quite a positive experience with. I did a lot of walking. I recited some poetry.
It’s not like I had a life changing experience; I went on vacation. And I don’t want to build it up too much in my mind. But I’ve been trying desperately to remember the feeling. Trying to think about what parts were just vacation vibes and which parts were me being hungry for some kind of life change. I know that the warmth of the sun and the smell of the ocean were really restorative for me after Vermont winter (even a mild one, with me missing the last couple snowstorms) but still, it felt like there was something there, something more.
You know that I worry, that I fear, I am just a malcontent. The seaweed is always greener. But, like, trying to make your life better isn’t a bad thing and, if I know my life isn’t perfect, isn’t it worth trying something new? So I’m hanging out thinking about how wonderful I felt in Sydney. Sun on my face, sand on my feet, ocean in my ears, surrounded by green, spending time with friends. Trying to parse “trip” from “life.” Special circumstances from things that could make me happier any time, in my life as it is.
Maybe there are big changes afoot. Move. New job. Those are kind of the big chances I have most control over (a boyfriend would be nice but that doesn’t seem immediately on the horizon). But I don’t know. I’ve made plenty of big changes like that and sometimes people have been impressed by, for example, how easily (as they saw it) I could up and move to another continent. But believe me when I say it was still scary and difficult. The moves and the after. And it doesn’t always exactly pan out.
Maybe not, though. I don’t know if I really want to make big changes right now. The last move and job change were so rough. It’s now been a couple years but I still don’t know if I feel recovered from that whole process (which itself took a couple years so maybe I don’t need to feel like a loser that I’m still not fully over it yet).
But if not a new job or a new home, at least not necessarily or primarily at this juncture, where do I go from here? How can I import some additional seaweed into this lake?
Heading into spring will help. Being outside more. I try to commit to being outside more over the winters here but it’s just not usually that pleasant for me. And that almost makes it worse. And I know the weather can’t be my answer here, that’s not sustainable or controllable or an actual change I can make in my life as it is that will help me pursue contentment. I’m struggling to think but I want to keep trying. I want to feel what I felt more often.
Boy, there’s nothing like a long flight, writing out (in lieu of reciting) some poetry, and a gay romcom to make me introspective. But I’ll stand by my thoughts, such as that are. Where we go from here, only time will tell.
A tree which made me think about the book title, Prayer for the Crown-Shy
To be clear, I am not (currently, yet?) a Sydneysider but it’s a cool name so we’re going to start with that. It’s been a really wonderful second visit to Sydney and I’m glad that I’ve had much more time than last (when I spent just a couple days here before jetting off to New Zealand for three weeks [those were the days] with my sister).
I’ve done a few of the same things but mostly new things and there are still so many great things I won’t be able to check off. I am also still working a few hours in the mornings because I’ve got things to do at work and I think I am pretty successfully staying mostly on top of them while also enjoying vacation, which is cool. It’s less stressful for me than coming back to work with 10,000,000 emails.
Anyway. I decided to tack Australia onto this trip because I had some friends I wanted to visit and India, while not close, is closer than Vermont. And it would just do me good to have a little more green, a little more sun, a little more friendship before going back to a snowstorm-ravaged Vermont.
I arrived Friday morning and wandered around a park a little until getting lunch with friends, then heading to my Airbnb. On Saturday, we had a lovely beach day exploring Bondi, which I hadn’t been to, and doing a bit of the coastal walk onward from there. The walk included a relatively new memorial for LGBTQ victims of violence tied to that place.
On Sunday, I was recruited by my organist friend you sing in the church choir for Easter service and then we had lunch together with some friends then meeting for dinner and exploring a little bit of the gayborhood.
Monday, a public holiday here for religious reasons (yikes but also we get Christmas but also they get Christmas and Easter…) was terrific weather. Warm and sunny but not too hot. We ventured to yet more beaches, great views, a little coastal walk and historic fort. All around excellent day, felt very Australia.
The rest of the week has been a little more mundane as we’re all doing at least a little work. Still got to explore some more beaches and coastal walks (so many and I’ve barely scratched the surface and they’re all so beautiful). Wandered around several bookstores. Got some Australian chocolate. Visited the Ramses exhibit at the Australian Museum. Saw the modern wing of the Art Gallery of New South Wales. And heard a friend speak on a panel about gender, sexuality, and hope for the future.
Rain has set in the past couple of days and meant to be worse tomorrow. Saturday looks to be good baking weather, perhaps. Sunday, though, should be lovely again and I’m hoping to squeeze in some more beach time and one last coastal walk–last for this visit, that is.
I’m so grateful to have gotten this visit in–this whole trip, really–and for all the wonderful hospitality that everyone has shown me.
It’s really nice seeing beautiful places. Enjoying the sun on my face, the sand in my toes, the sea on my skin. It’s really nice having friends that, turns out, I am actually friends with in real life not just on the Internet. Lots of things have been really nice and I have been thoroughly enjoying myself and really trying to embrace the whole idea of enjoying myself and having a vacation (even while working a little, I barely even mind). I’m grateful for it all and I don’t want to go home but I’ll live.
So, we’ve had another whirlwind week here in Nepal and I’m flying today to Delhi with a quick turnaround back through customs to collect my bag, go back through security, and check into my flight to Sydney. Wild times. I’m probably scheduling this post to publish ahead of time since it’ll likely be very hectic. I think this will be just the second time I’ve ever done that!
Anyway, Nepal. A few days in Kathmandu, much like a few days in Delhi, is not enough to really say anything about the country. But still, it’s been a wonderful experience to get a glimpse of life here and all kinds of things useful for my job–a huge part of which is talking about these countries and programs. I cannot say how valuable this trip has been on that front alone, besides just being super cool and lovely to talk with students and staff. A lot of what prospective students want to talk with me about is vibes and now I feel like I have a better handle on the vibes, more than just the info that I’ve heretofore been talking about.
I arrived Saturday evening and kind of just holed up in bed, big thrills. On Sunday, nothing was organized in terms of work because it was Holi in Nepal so I walked through the city and just generally got a vibe. I saw the Buddha Stupa and walked all the way to the main Durbar Square (apparently, there are a few) and saw plenty of people playing Holi and they mercifully left me out, according to my wish, without my having to say. I was perfectly happy to observe and it was still fun!
The next three days I spent hanging out at our two program centers, chatting with students and staff, visiting some places with programs, and doing my actual work that doesn’t stop. The weather was cooler than Delhi with a little rain, too, and that was refreshing and lovely since it was still at least warm-ish to me. The air quality, as in Delhi, left much to be desired but I managed just fine.
These last two weeks that I’ve been out and about gave been really lovely. I’ve had some great food and interesting conversations, seen some wonderful sights, met some rad people. I’m not going to adequately write about it, now or in the future, but especially not while I’m still in the midst of it. I’m also often not great at sharing about my experiences so please don’t hesitate to ask if you have some specific questions to give my answers a little direction.
An example of a good question might be: What is this a picture of?
I only have a brief time here in India, one more day then I’m heading to Nepal on Saturday. But I have been very thankful to even skim the surface of this country and city. Delhi certainly has a lot going on.
I’m here for work and program staff have been taking very good care of me. Besides just chatting with students and staff, I’ve done a lot of the basic orientation-type things that students do when they first arrive for the semester which has been cool.
Today, I had the privilege of visiting Agra and seeing the Taj Mahal. As probably one of the most recognizable buildings in the world, I feel, it will not come as a shock to hear that it is, in fact, quite pretty. But still, I can’t help but parrot, it’s breathtaking. The stone, the inlay, the design, the views and vistas. Incredible. I was glad to tour around it just before sunset and see a little of its signature marble glow in the warm light.
Some call it a monument to love but my program, on the topic of public health and gender, refers to it as a monument to maternal mortality since she died in childbirth on her fourteenth delivery. Yikes but also, yeah.
We also had the spring equinox yesterday. Being very close to the Tropic of Cancer, it was especially neat though that’s more related to the summer solstice. Still, the sun is up for pretty close to twelve hours and I’ve rarely been in such places. I’m so used to seasonal daylight changes, it would be quite an adjustment to have nearly the same length day all year. I can’t decide if I would be happier avoiding the darkest of winter or sadder missing luxurious summer evenings.
I feel like I should have better thoughts about this trip so far but I kind of don’t at the moment. Maybe after I’m back in Vermont, I’ll have a sec to come up with a more satisfying rundown of what I did and saw but also, maybe not. Certainly a trip to remember, regardless, and I’m just getting started.
I have been seeing a lot of reels and whatever you want to call them since I don’t actually have TikTok but they’re all TikToks about language lately. Some of them are about etymology, love, some about language structure generally, interesting, some about the field of linguistics broadly, terrific. I’ve also watched several about dialect and how everyone has a dialect and how different ways of speaking are okay! Grammar is all made up and if a community speaks your language but has a different grammar than you, that’s okay!
That, in combination with the barest shoots of flowering bulbs that I’ve seen this week have put me in mind of an EE Cummings poem about spring.
since feeling is first who pays any attention to the syntax of things will never wholly kiss you
Which I think is just kind of delightful and also a good reminder for me who, while not especially concerned with syntax, does need to combat some urge to force people to use English the way I do sometimes. And then, of course, there is “wholly to be a fool/ while Spring is in the air” and I think about that a lot.
Spring is in the air and it’s going to be different when I’m traveling but I’m going to receive it, I think, as spring because that’s where my mind and soul want to be right now.
I do not want to be foolish while traveling because I’m a little bit of a nervous traveler but once I arrive, I hope that I can be struck foolish by the beautiful and wondrous things I will encounter. I will be seeing places very unlike what I have seen before and I am looking forward to being foolish in that way. Hopefully not a bad way but just a new way.
I don’t anticipate there will be any wholly kissing but I shall feel sun and smell flowers and be a part of the world in a way I struggle to be in the Vermont winter and that will be close enough. To maybe more appropriately quote a few lines from an Indian poet, Rabindranath Tagore, which have been on my mind lately with our recently sunny weather, “Light, my light, the world-filling light, the eye-kissing light, heart-sweetening light!” The light can wholly kiss me in the foolishness of spring and that will make me happy.
This isn’t related to the post at all, I just couldn’t not post this diabolical picture of Bubba
I have not seen any daffodils around here even close to blooming. But I have seen a few plants with the tiniest sprouts happening. And it’s March, meteorological spring in these parts, so I’m taking heart.
In just over a week, I will also be departing for warmer climes traveling for work and then for pleasure all in places where “spring” in the New England sense is either not relevant (in the case of the Southern Hemisphere) or simply does not do much to describe the real seasons that matter (in the case of south Asian monsoon places). And then, I will come back to Vermont and it will be April and I’ll be feeling much better about things, weather-wise, having gotten a heavy dose of sun and hot and seeing things green up more meaningfully by then.
I was hesitant to mention this trip, as with many big exciting things in my life, because I have this weird feeling that nothing is happening until it’s happening. Don’t want to disappoint people (???) by telling them about a thing that doesn’t end up happening. But of course, I had mentioned even the possibility of this trip to a few people a while ago. I’m just a mess. But I’m pretty confident this is happening, I’ve got tickets and everything. If I end up having a fata heart attack on the way to the airport, then I hope people have other things on their mind regarding me than that I didn’t fulfill my intention to go on this trip.
What a weirdo. Anyway.
Look who else is channeling spring. We’re here for our flower crowned queen.
My thought for this week: small talk is okay. Some people like to rail against it and tell you they don’t want to waste their time, they’d rather have a meaningful conversation with someone. But listening to a podcast episode about something else entirely, I think a speaker made a good point. Sometimes, people just aren’t disposed to especially deep conversations and that can still be okay. Sometimes, they just might not have the wherewithal in that particular moment to engage with you in that way. Sometimes, they might have plenty of deep conversations but just not really want to have one with you.
On that note, it’s been rainy and warm here. I certainly don’t mind it but I do worry about another rainy summer ahead. It would make me sad just in general but could also be very bad for a lot of people if we have the kind of flooding and things like last year. So here’s hoping we get flowers and not too many showers this spring.
Journeyman 